When I Dismantled the Patriarchy Inside Myself
What happened when I discovered my inner critic, researcher, and good girl were all carrying patriarchal burdens—and how they transformed through IFS.
Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash
Little did I know that last fall, in the midst of shedding leaves and deep in the heart of Scorpio season, while I was prepping to be a guest on a podcast to talk about IFS and the integration of reiki and astrology into my work, it would turn into a deep dive into dismantling the patriarchy inside of myself!
Jalon Johnson, the host of Not Your Ordinary Parts, was generous and supportive as we prepped for our recording session. His mission to bring healing conversations to spaces and people that might not usually have access to them is a powerful one, one that has resonated with lots of people in the therapy and healing field who want to contribute.
He's interviewed a number of my clinical heroes, including Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, Dr. Thema Bryant, Peter Levine. The episode that came out the week before we recorded was with Dr. Dan Siegel, a man who has written multiple books currently sitting in the "saved for later" section of my Amazon cart.
All I could think about the week leading up to this interview was "Dan Siegel just got interviewed and I'm going to be the silly little girl talking about astrology coming on after him."
The Parts Attack
A predictable "parts attack" ensued. I sat hunched at my desk with my critical (or minimizing?) part repeating the above to me over and over.
My "research" part wanting me to read and re-read the academic texts I have access to about astrology to make sure I come across seriously, stacking book after book on every surface of my office.
Another part of me wanting to be good, get it right, do it right as a therapist, not make mistakes in saying something I'm not "allowed" to say.
It was intense.
Fortunately, even as this was happening, I knew that these were parts of me trying to protect me from what they perceived as threatening. So once I could get a little space from the inner outcry, I began getting curious about which parts were here.
The Unburdening Session
As it so happened, in my women's mentorship group we had access to an IFS guided unburdening session focused on parts holding wounds from the patriarchy. This was on my agenda for the week, and as I began the guided experience, I was amazed to discover that EVERY SINGLE PART REACTING was holding a cultural burden from the patriarchy.
And when I say patriarchy, I'm referring to the dominant, hierarchical system that is harmful to all humans including men in that it doesn't allow for our wholeness as people. A system that prioritizes:
Competition over collaboration
Power over rather than empowerment with
Domination and pushing through over nurturing
The masculine over the feminine (we all have both qualities inside of us)
Logic over feeling and intuition
Individualism over community
My mind was blown.
The inner critic with its focus on perfectionism and minimizing anything falling outside of the (western, male, European, logical/linear focus).
The researcher part that drove so much of my academic achievement wanting to find evidence and proof to avoid the ridicule or minimization from the outside that a part of me had now internalized on the inside.
The "good girl" part wanting to get it right, play by everyone else's rules, not draw outside of the lines, be agreeable so as not to get in trouble.
The burdened beliefs these parts were holding were all incredibly common in our patriarchal culture. The patriarchy that tells us that certain ways of thinking, knowing, performing and producing are elevated above others and feels free to mock or criticize whatever doesn't fall in line with the standards set by a select few.
The Balance We Need
And none of this is to say that research, science, academia, striving for excellence, respecting boundaries and necessary lines are wrong or harmful. We need all of these things! They have simply gotten out of balance, exiling other important ways of knowing and being like intuition, connection with natural rhythms of our bodies or of the earth, reciprocity and nurturance.
Ways of knowing that have traditionally been embodied by indigenous people and women.
The Transformation
These three parts got a healing as I sat with them. As they were witnessed and unloaded their burdens, I watched in awe as they transformed into their true Selves.
My inner critic (this one at least—I have quite a few!) wanted to become an inner cheerleader. Her presence became warm, smiling, encouraging. She baked muffins for me! I was so touched by the support I could feel flowing from her.
My inner researcher transformed into an Inner Wise Woman. Her presence felt archetypal, connecting me to the wisdom women have held for centuries. And while she, too, was reading books while drinking tea (and wearing soft pajamas—wise indeed!), her wisdom was clearly embodied. She was reading for interest. Not to prove anything.
And the inner good girl became an inner wild child. Four years old, playing with sidewalk chalk, rolling in the grass, dirt on her clothes and knees. As I continued to check in with this part over the next few days, she shifted even further, another layer unburdened, and became the inner FREE child. The 'wild' label seemed to be another bit of lingering judgment. She was free and connected with the earth and with her Self, radiating a fierce innocence as she kneeled in the grass and made wishes on dandelions.
The Ripple Effect
The space created in freeing up these parts allowed me to move forward in my conversation with Jalon from a more trusting and intuitive place. I could show up more fully as my Self, without the constraints and limitations that had been placed on these parts.
And this is maybe at least a part of how we do this—how we create a new way of being that honors all of life as older ways are crumbling.
In untangling and dismantling the burdens placed on us by our culture, by the patriarchy, there's more of what isn't that taking up space. What happens when a critical mass of this unburdening unfolds in each of our systems? What ripple effect can be possible?
This is available for you, this process that helps you return more and more to your true Self and wholeness.
If you're noticing parts that criticize your intuition, minimize your feminine ways of knowing, or insist you prove yourself according to someone else's standards—they might be carrying cultural burdens from the patriarchy too.
And they're waiting to be freed.
You can listen to my conversation with Jalon on the Not Your Ordinary Parts podcast. We talked about IFS, astrology, reiki, and how integrating multiple modalities creates space for healing that honors all of who you are—not just the parts the patriarchy deems acceptable.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are cultural burdens in Internal Family Systems?
Cultural burdens are beliefs and behaviors that parts take on from the culture around us—in this case, from patriarchal systems. Unlike personal burdens from individual experiences, cultural burdens are messages absorbed from the dominant culture about what's valuable, acceptable, or "right." For example, a part might carry the cultural burden that logic is superior to intuition, or that you must prove yourself through external achievement to have worth.
How do I know if my parts are carrying patriarchal burdens?
Common signs include: an inner critic that minimizes feminine ways of knowing (intuition, emotion, embodiment), a part that insists you must have academic proof for everything you believe, a "good girl" part that follows external rules even when they conflict with your inner knowing, perfectionism that fears being seen as "silly" or "unserious," or parts that prioritize productivity and achievement over rest and nurturance. These parts often become louder when you're about to share something that falls outside patriarchal norms.
What does it mean to dismantle the patriarchy inside yourself?
Dismantling internal patriarchy means identifying and unburdening the parts that have internalized patriarchal values—the belief that masculine is superior to feminine, logic superior to intuition, productivity superior to rest, competition superior to collaboration. Through IFS work, these parts can release these cultural burdens and return to their true essence. For example, an inner critic focused on perfectionism might transform into an inner cheerleader, or a researcher seeking constant proof might become an embodied wise woman.
Can parts really transform through unburdening?
Yes. In IFS, when parts are witnessed with compassion and allowed to unburden—to release the beliefs and roles they took on to protect you—they naturally return to their essence or original nature. An inner critic might become a supportive guide. A "good girl" seeking approval might become a free, wild child. These aren't manufactured changes; they're the parts returning to who they were before they took on protective roles and cultural burdens.
What is the difference between masculine and feminine ways of knowing?
This isn't about gender—we all contain both masculine and feminine qualities. Masculine ways of knowing tend toward logic, linear thinking, analysis, action, and doing. Feminine ways of knowing tend toward intuition, cyclical awareness, feeling, receptivity, and being. Patriarchal culture elevates masculine ways and devalues feminine ways, creating an imbalance. Wholeness requires honoring both—the logical AND the intuitive, the active AND the receptive, the doing AND the being.
How does unburdening parts create cultural change?
When enough individuals unburden parts carrying patriarchal values, it can create a ripple effect. As more people access Self Energy—characterized by compassion, curiosity, and wholeness—and reclaim exiled ways of knowing like intuition and connection to natural rhythms, we can collectively model a different way of being. This is dismantling internalized oppression one person at a time, which can create shifts in the culture from the inside out.
About the Author: Elizabeth Scott, LCPC is a licensed therapist specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. She helps emotionally intelligent, spiritually curious women reconnect with their inner wisdom through individual therapy and through Practical Alchemy, a transformative 3-month coaching program that integrates IFS with intuitive modalities like astrology and reiki.
